Sudden death

A man had tickets to Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Final right at center ice. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. 

"No," he says. "The seat is empty." 

"This is incredible" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" 

"Well, actually," the man responds, "the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." 

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" 

The man shakes his head, "No, no one. They're all at the funeral."

One Kiss Per Yard

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Jus for Laughs

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. 
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. 
Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. 
She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" 
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." 

Searching for "ME"

One of the most valued employees of the Organization had been on sick leave one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, the boss dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?""Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy here?""Yes.""May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?""Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman.
"Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?""No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?""Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?""A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

"ME."

Jus Quotes

1.
Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
"Saints"

But now they are called..

"IT professionals"

 2.
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:

" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has fallen off"




3.
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present..

Its just that,
One loves too much,

and

The other loves too many,



4.
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!




5.

Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,

Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!



6.

What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach When pages of your book still smell new

and

Just few hours left for your exams..!



7.

Jus4Fun
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"

No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!



8.
Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?

Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"

Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!




9
After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an opening for you..!

Applicant: What is it?

Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"



10
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee...

...... Leave them to us